Oprah Winfrey Announces Every American Wins Iowa

Last night’s Iowa Caucus blunder has left many wondering just what the heck is going on.  In fact, an Iowa farmer was overheard saying “what the heck is going on?”

With Democratic hope slipping away, Oprah Winfrey stepped up in unprecedented fashion announcing every American has won Iowa.

When asked about this, Bernie Sanders said “this does not fit with the socialist agenda” leaving his supporters even more confused.

In unrelated news, 300 million people are expected to attend the tonight’s State of the Union Address.